Don't do something , just sit there !!

The other side

One day a young Buddhist on his journey home, came to the banks of a wide river. Staring hopelessly at the great obstacle in front of him , he pondered for hours on just how to cross such a wide barrier. Just as he was about to give up his pursuit to continue his journey he saw a great teacher on the other side of the river. The young Buddhist yells over to the teacher "Oh wise one , can you tell me how to get to the other side of this river"?

The teacher ponders for a moment  looks up and down the river and yells back "My son, you are on the other side" .

(Contributed by Joe McClintock)
(see url at bottom of  this post for source)

Japanese Soto Zen

    every morning (and/or evening) sit facing a wall eyes open, just do nothing but sit, for 30 min maybe

     also, very important, do sesshins now and then  , preferably regularly to deepen practice

     ignore all special powers and experiences

      Brad Warner

      Great Plains Zen  Center/ Myoyu Andersen

Chinese Chan 

        I read some Red Pine/ Bill Porter 

Vietnamese Zen

        Master Yonghua  

            sit in full lotus (important). focus, meditate for a goal. measure by increased concentration aka samadhi

         also Thich Han Nhat

           Chi gets concentrated in the head. sitting harmonises the chi flows. first gut heals, then lungs etc until it explodes out of your head

          Indian yogis are too

Thai Forest tradition

        Ajahn Brahm

                many many lectures, peace-o-meter, carrying-2-bags visualisation , scanning relaxation guided meditation, Friday night meditations

Vipassana

      used to be harsh goenka

            out of ten days, sit three days in breath focus ,then remaining days in scanning techniques using the concentration developed in the first 3 days

            no talking throughout

Heartfulness/ SRCM

        Daaji ?

             find a guru nearby who will open a channel to you are good

ISKCON

        chant the Maha-Mantra with beads in such a way that your ears can hear it, for at least one full cycle

         looks like there are no restrictions on time, place, bath-state etc due to Kalyuga

of course, it all started with Chade Meng-Tan's "Oh no it's that meng guy again" site, and especially with the jokes

***

A Zen master once said to me, "Do the opposite of whatever I tell you." So I didn't.

        ***

https://web.archive.org/web/20040215005243/http://www.serve.com/cmtan/buddhism/Lighter/