Sunday evening 5 pm,

end of the year, dec 13

age 41, wonder how much more to go

all the years goals and resolutions are done, scattered like paper plates littering the parking lot after a party 

the epiphany is the salvation through the technique following lists dispassionately 

life  is now the watching of videos on calisthenics, tony robbins', atomic habits, vivaldi  ..  on youtube  , while the code compiles , has been so for the past year and half 

I wonder if any of the soul is left in the hard firm mature bamboos 

doing some work to alleviate the dark gloomy teatime of the soul, build's running

remember enjoying listening to Douglas Adams audiobook gotten from the Northbrook library, while driving. Was I ever happier after that ?

house lamps are not lit and it's not too bright , can see the colors of the books in the shelves but not the text

listening to Alan watts talks on zen, remarkable how alive it seems, compared to Brad Warner's dry academic sessions based on translations

the former relishes in spontaneity, and in a way being alive

we kept saying we'll move out of Java into building real systems. every year we become more firmly entrenched into the same.

the crowds are distinctly apathetic these days

around 14 years ago, we started blogging - made some friends, wasn't smart enough to keep any, weren't playing to win

build's completed ? time to go ..

wondering if Jackie Chan Adventures are available in DVD. guilty pleasures to fall to when tired at the end of the day, then guilt and regret 

in the mornings, assuaged by watching a productivity video,  who wil l do the work and when ?

build's failed . code is a pile of crap

for a while now, a curious inversion has happened . so occupied with setting up spaces to work in , i get so jaded/disconnected by the time i move to reside into those spaces, i am capable of not working nor having fun. 

some people have therapists. when does talking to a spouse feel like someone's running razor blades across your shoulders ?

Alan watts has a book named 'this is it', Sheldon Kopp's Esch. Laundry list starts with 1. this is it.

some people keep fit, others eat large carb meals and be dumb with a full belly. good for the state as per tao, not so good personally

the left hand types faster than the right 

reading casino royale, the first three chapters are promising, and puts the movie's jingping story introduction  in perspective

as ever , i only realise tests are an equal effort when it's time to do them. darkness grows

sending a linkedIn request to a former blog acquaintance feels like standing outside a friends' house watching them play ,  through the windows..

everybody seems to have a trick, have it figured, a schtick , i alone am so lost, wondering if the parts of me even add up to a full human, let alone a man 

past the boondocks, approaching the stinking cooum

bruce springsteen's 'streets of philadelphia' - this guy sings about the pain of being american ?

code quality found lacking by the static analysis tool, hello shovel ,where are you !

our tragedy is that we need to be part of a group that works to rid the earth of other groups so we don't have to see each other at all ..  

I remember reading YNHarari equivocating on domestic animals bred in captivity for food, saying they have a safe life have no diseases etc ..

I remember having a discussion with a friend couple on why we shouldn't have cars , one point in favour being that the chap walks to office and 'gets' the exercise as a benefit.  

'Getting' exercise when you ddin't ask for it, and also inhaling pollution over which you have no control , didn't seem like benefits to me. I speak from experience. In 2015 I walked to office. It gave me anxiety w.r.t getting there in time and not getting hit by vehicles, and having to see the slummy sides of bangalore, and eventually fell ill very badly .

people good in one area seem to think this makes them competent in others too