I thought we were living in a computer simulation. 

However, last night, I created some decryption software that would crack ANY encryption on the planet, called up my CIA contact and updated him, then burnt it into a usb drive disguised as a mid-10th century Mesopotamian dagger

What tripped my alarms was the fact that I never had a CIA contact, so who did I call ? And of course, at midnight, a figure all dressed in black, climbed over the balcony sill, sneaked into my study and tried to make away with the dagger.

We aren't living in a computer simulation.  We are living inside a spy movie !!