I have been given regular glimpses and hints,only now I can recognise them as such. But thats it.

I also now understand I cant read my way into this, so some energy is freed up not reading esoterica.

Family and job has me in a chokehold but turining into it, I find effort gives me joy . Clawing back up from convalescence, eveerything is a new life breath. Fasting, and some prayer, i now see as power tools to work this magical body of ours.

Wont say I understand what you are doing specificlly but the larger strokes i can understand. 

The journey always starts by inverting the landscape .

Earlier folks used to go sit in a shamans tent and fast until visions come, whenever they were spiritually ill.

We have to make our own.