one of the pages i dipped into during my long desk computer days in mumbai was this one . it's gone, but thankfully wayback machine has a copy. along with reading about linchi and lankavatara sutra on the interwebs, this was a very soothing place to end up in. only later i found out about chade-meng-tan and search inside yourself and the jolly good fellow of google. my best working idea of metta comes from 2-3 lines he said in his speech in the google talks - about the guy inf front of me wants to be happy just like me - i'm copying the content here for preserving
The Paratrooper
A paratrooper was scared to jump. His instructor told him, "If anything goes wrong, say, `Buddha oh Buddha' and you will be saved."
The paratrooper got so scared that he forgot to pull his rip cord. So he said, "Buddha oh Buddha," and a hand came out and saved him.
He said, "Thank God," and he was dropped.
(Contributed by David Mather)
Dealing with Neurotics
The psychiatrist asks the Zen Master, "How do you deal with neurotics?"
The Zen Master replies, "I get them to the point where they can't ask anymore questions".
(Contributed by Barry Erdman)
Driving in India
A monk was driving in India when suddenly a dog crosses the road. The car hit and killed the dog. The monk looked around and seeing a temple, went to knock on the door. A monk opened the door. The first monk said: "I'm terribly sorry, but my karma ran over your dogma."
(Contributed by Nebuchadnezzar)
Compassion with an umbrella
A Western Buddhist woman was In india, studying with her teacher. She was riding with another woman friend in a rickshaw-like carriage, when they were attacked by a man on the street. In the end, the attacker only succeeded in frightening the women, but the Buddhist woman was quite upset by the event and told her teacher so. She asked him what she should have done - what would have been the appropriate, Buddhist response.
The teacher said very simply, "You should have very mindfully and with great compassion whacked the attacker over the head with your umbrella."
(Contributed by Susan)
Walking on water
Three monks decided to practise meditation together. they sat by the side of a lake and closed their eyes in concentration. Then suddenly, the first one stood up and said, "I forgot my mat." He steeped miraculously onto the water in front of him and walked across the lake to their hut on the other side.
When he returned, the second monk stood up and said, "I forgot to put my the other underwear to dry." He too walked calmly across the water and returned the same way. The third monk watched the first two carefully in what he decided must be the test of his own abilities. "Is your learning so superior to mine? I too can match any feat you two can perform," he declared loudly and rushed to the water's edge to walk across it. He promptly fell into the deep water.
Undeterred, the yogi climbed out of the water and tried again, only to sink into the water. Yet again he climbed out and yet again he tried, each time sinking into the water. This went on for some time as the other two monks watched.
After a while, the second monk turned to the first and said, "Do you think we should tell him where the stones are?"
(Contributed by Byrd Chong)
Two Drunk monks
I took my son, Ian to a farewell party for some friends returning to their country. Ian, age 9, wisely observed that some of the participants drank too much (I was not among those). On our 1 1/2 hour journey home, I spoke to him about the importance of moderation.
After thinking for sometime, Ian said, "Dad, I have a story that I just made up."
"There were these two Buddhist monks who had about 13 beers each. One had to walk home quite some distance.
'Will you be all right to walk home?', the one asked
'Of course, I will take the Middle Path,' he replied."
(Contributed by Thomas Roberts)
Wise blind elephants
Six wise, blind elephants were discussing what humans were like. Failing to agree, they decided to determine what humans were like by direct experience.
The first wise, blind elephant felt the human, and declared, "Humans are flat."
The other wise, blind elephants, after similarly feeling the human, agreed.
(Contributed anonymously)
Flapping flag
Four monks were meditating in a monastery. All of a sudden the prayer flag on the roof started flapping.
The younger monk came out of his meditation and said: "Flag is flapping"
A more experienced monk said: "Wind is flapping"
A third monk who had been there for more than 20 years said: "Mind is flapping."
The fourth monk who was the eldest said, visibly annoyed: "Mouths are flapping!"
(Contributed anonymously)
The other side
One day a young Buddhist on his journey home, came to the banks of a wide river. Staring hopelessly at the great obstacle in front of him , he pondered for hours on just how to cross such a wide barrier. Just as he was about to give up his pursuit to continue his journey he saw a great teacher on the other side of the river. The young Buddhist yells over to the teacher "Oh wise one , can you tell me how to get to the other side of this river"?
The teacher ponders for a moment looks up and down the river and yells back "My son, you are on the other side" .
(Contributed by Joe McClintock)
2
"All Chinese [Buddhists] are vegetarians, but most of them prefer to flavor their vegetables with beef, or pork, or duck, or chicken."
- Lin Yu Tang
(Contributed by Allan Adasiak)
"Don't just do something ... Sit there!"
- Marge's comment on meditation.
(Contributed by Marge)
"God is real unless declared integer".
(Contributed anonoymously)
Suezen: I was vegetarian for about 5 years. I was invited to my mother's house for thanksgiving dinner, and my mother was very upset that I would not eat the turkey which she had spent hours preparing for her family. In the end, I felt more compassion for my mother than for the turkey, and I ate the turkey.
(Contributed by Sue Franklin)
"Blessed is he who finds happiness in his own foolishness. For he will always be happy".
-- Chade Meng
I'd like to
Offer something
To help you
But in the Zen School
We don't have a single thing!
-- Zen Master Ikkyu
A Meal of Fresh Octopus
Lots of arms, just like Kannon the Goddess;
Sacrificed for me, garnished with citron, I revere it so!
The taste of the sea, just divine!
Sorry, Buddha, this is another precept I just cannot keep.
-- Zen Master Ikkyu
(Contributed to alt.zen by Ned Ludd)
"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."
-- Gotama Buddha
"Hell was OK, until some wise guy went to heaven and came back"
-- Buddhadasa Bhikkhu
As Buddhadasa Bhikkhu became more famous, busloads of visitors started visiting his monastery. Decrying many who went as if visiting an amusement park, he said,
"Sometimes, I think many of these people just stop here because they have to use the bathroom".
What is nirvana?
"Nothing happens next. This is it." said the old monk to the young one.
"Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before."
Disciple: Oh wise and all knowing one, show me the place of perfect peace.
Master: If I show it to you, it will know longer be peaceful.
(Contributed by Neil Woods)
"Meditation is not about doing something" -- Joko Beck
Things are not what they seem;
Nor are they otherwise.
-- Lankavatara Sutra
(Taken from a post in alt.zen)
Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much better.
-- Laurie Anderson
Here is something from Chevy Chase in the movie "Caddyshack:"
"The Zen philosopher Basho once wrote:
'A flute with no holes is not a flute,
And a doughnut with no hole is a Danish.'
He was a funny guy."
(Contributed by Mike Shu Ho Bonasso)
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
-- Albert Einstein
"Your personality is an often insurmountable speedbump on the path to Nirvana."
-- "Slug"
(Contributed by Slug13@aol.com)
"The only people who believe that samsara and nirvana are the same are those that haven't meditated enough"
- Ajahn Chah.
"Nothing leads me further from attachment than a week with the in-laws"
- David Loomis on his "first profound thought :) ".
This morning, I received one of those rude mails. The person wrote me this one-line mail:
- "budda is dead you moron move on with your life"
And I replied:
- You are alive, friend, move on with Buddha's death.
- Tan Chade Meng
As is stated in the colorectal sutra verse 118: The enlightenment experienced through meditation can be compared to the sphincter muscle. It is the only muscle in the body that works when relaxed, and the more relaxed the more ecstatic the experience. Jungle humor with a touch of truth, everybody.
- Kenneth J. Smith
Buddha's last words: "Decay is inherent in all compounded things. Strive unceasingly."
Buddha stated the second law of thermodynamics. His inherent understanding still amazes me.
- William A. Russell
The Buddha was not really a god.
In fact, he thought it quite odd
That we go all around
Worshipping mounds
More mindless than peas in a pod!
- Ethan A Mills
Birds it would seem are so intent on being birds that they have no time to speculate on their not being birds.
- William A. Russell
A short conversation between Dan Bammes and Meng:
Dan: A Buddhist teacher taught that every other living creature is our parent in one of our past lives.
Meng: Similarly, every other living creature owes me money in a past life.
Some people think that Buddhist practice and meditation are about stopping thoughts. As the saying goes, if that were true, a coconut would be enlightened..... Let's remember that upon attaining enlightenment the Buddha smiled. This is very important. He didn't have to smile. He could have grimaced or remained neutral, but he smiled..... After reading Milarepa 25 times I had the insight that Mila was in fact a comedian.
- Prof Robert Thurman, talking in Cleveland.
(Extracted from Dizzy's webpage at: http://apk.net/~dizzy/thurman.html)
If you see the Buddha on the road kill him, but please don't drink and drive.
- "Jazzbuddha@aol.com"
"Thank God I'm a Buddhist."
- Ivan
"Its amazing that the Buddha had such a grasp on the reality of suffering without ever having to go to the DMV."
- "Chienx2@aol.com"
"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around chinatown."
- Woody Allen.
"When I first started reading about Buddhism, I said this emptyness is really heavy!"
- Rev Ryunyo King
A Zen master once said to me, "Do the opposite of whatever I tell you." So I didn't.
3 jokes
Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A: Because they have no attachments.
(Contributed by Randy Jewett)
Q: What did a Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.
(Contributed by Kevin Allen)
Q: What is the name of the best Zen teacher?
A: M.T. Ness
(Contributed by Geichle)
Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they are the light bulb.
(Contributed by J Arkle)
Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three -- one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change- and not-change it.
(Contributed by Graeme Dawes)
Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Tree falling in the forest.
(Contributed by Will Sandstead)
Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
A: He enters Nerdvana.
(Contributed by Toh Han Shih)
Q: What did one Zen practitioner give to another for his/her birthday?
A: Nothing.
Q: What did the birthday boy/girl respond in return?
A: You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift.
To which the giver replied, "Thank you."
(Contributed by Zach Rosen)
Disciple: "Master, why did Bodhidharma come from the West?"
Master: "Ask that post over there."
Disciple: "I don't understand"
Master: "Neither do I."
(Contributed by Thomas Asche)
Q: How do I become a Lama?
A: Go to a monastic university and study for twenty-five years. Begin by memorizing Vasubandhu's Abhidharmakosha with its commentary (500 pages or so). Then study what you have memorised by hearing lectures on it and debating the contents with other candidates until you can argue every side of every controversy equally well. Then memorise several works of Nagarjuna, along with their commentaries. Then memorise the seven treatises of Dharmakirti. In additional to that study, you must master several forms of meditation and study tantric rituals for about two or three years.
Alternatively, you can come to America and just call yourself a lama. Billions of nubile virgins will follow you everywhere and give you money.
Q: How many wives does Buddhism allow?
A: You may have as many as your tolerance for misery can bear.
(Contributed by mubul@aol.com )
Q: Why are there so few Buddhist rhythm and blues bands?
A: Because Buddhists don't have any soul.
Q: What does a Buddhist wish someone on their birthday?
A: May you have many happy returns.
Note: these both appeared years ago on the Well
(Contributed by Yeshe Dorje)
which mouth do you eat with
Once there was a monk who was an expert on the Diamond Sutra, and as books were very valuable in his day, he carried the only copy in his part of the world on his back. He was widely sought after for his readings and insight into the Diamond Sutra, and very successful at propounding its profundities to not only monks and masters but to the lay people as well.
Thus the people of that region came to know of the Diamond Sutra, and as the monk was traveling on a mountain road, he came upon an old woman selling tea and cakes. The hungry monk would have loved to refresh himself, but alas, he had no money. He told the old woman, "I have upon my back a treasure beyond knowing -- the Diamond Sutra. If you will give me some tea and cakes, I will tell you of this great treasure of knowledge."
The old woman knew something of the Diamond Sutra herself, and proposed her own bargain. She said, "Oh learned monk, if you will answer a simple question, I will give you tea and cakes." To this the monk readily agreed. The woman then said, "When you eat these cakes, are you eating with the mind of the past, the mind of the present or the mind of the future?"
No answer occurred to the monk, so he took the pack from his back and got out the text of the Diamond Sutra, hoping he could find the answer. As he studied and pondered, the day grew late and the old woman packed up her things to go home for the day.
"You are a foolish monk indeed," said the old woman as she left the hungry monk in his quandary. "You eat the tea and cakes with your mouth."
(Contributed by Dan Bammes)
---- legend of the cucumber sage ----
This is one of the most beautiful and most inspiring stories I've ever read. This story was taken from a Zen centre in LA, Calif USA. The person who contributed this story prefers to remain anonymous. Thanks friend!
THE RECORD OF THE LIFE AND TEACHINGS OF WU-MING
Compiled by Master Tung-Wang
Abbott of Han-hsin monastery in the
Thirteenth year of the Earth Dragon period (898)
My dear friend, the most reverend master Tung-Wang,
Old and ill, I lay here knowing that writing this note will be my last act upon this earth and that by the time you read it I will be gone from this life.
Though we have not seen each other in the many years since we studied together under our most venerable Master, I have often thought of you, his most worthy successor. Monks from throughout China say that you are a true lion of the Buddha Dharma; one whose eye is a shooting star, whose hands snatch lightning, and whose voice booms like thunder. It is said that your every action shakes heaven and earth and causes the elephants and dragons of delusion to scatter helplessly. I am told that your monastery is unrivaled in severity, and that under your exacting guidance hundreds of monks pursue their training with utmost zeal and vigor. I've also heard that in the enlightened successor department your luck has not been so good. Which brings me to the point of this letter.
I ask that you now draw your attention to the young man to whom this note is attached. As he stands before you, no doubt smiling stupidly as he stuffs himself with pickled cucumbers, you may be wondering if he is as complete a fool as he appears, and if so, what prompted me to send him to you. In answer to the first question, I assure you that Wu-Ming's foolishness is far more complete than mere appearance would lead you to believe. As for the second question, I can only say that despite so benumbed a condition, or perhaps because of it, still more likely, despite of and because of it, Wu-Ming seems to unwittingly and accidentally serve the function of a great Bodhisattva. Perhaps he can be of service to you.
Allow him sixteen hours of sleep daily and provide him with lots of pickled cucumbers and Wu-Ming will always be happy. Expect nothing of him and you will be happy.
After Chin-mang's funeral, the supporters of his temple arranged for Wu-Ming's journey to Han-hsin monastery, where I resided, then, as now, as Abbott. A monk found Wu-ming at the monastery gate and seeing a note bearing my name pinned to his robe, led him to my quarters.
Customarily, when first presenting himself to the Abbott, a newly arrived monk will prostrate himself three times and ask respectfully to be accepted as a student. And so I was taken somewhat by surprise when Wu-ming walked into the room, took a pickled cucumber from the jar under his arm, stuffed it whole into his mouth, and happily munching away, broke into the toothless imbecilic grin that would one day become legendary. Taking a casual glance around the room, he smacked his lips loudly and said, "What's for lunch?"
After reading dear old Chin Mang's note, I called in the head monk and asked that he show my new student to the monk's quarters. When they had gone I reflected on chin-mang's words. Han-hsin was indeed a most severe place of training: winters were bitterly cold and in summer the sun blazed. The monks slept no more than three hours each night and ate one simple meal each day. For the remainder of the day they worked hard around the monastery and practiced hard in the meditation hall. But, alas, Chin-mang had heard correctly, Among all my disciples there was none whom I felt confident to be a worthy vessel to receive the untransmittable transmitted Dharma. I was beginning to despair that I would one day, bereft of even one successor, fail to fulfill my obligation of seeing my teacher's Dharma-linage continued.
The monks could hardly be faulted for complacency or indolence. Their sincere aspiration and disciplined effort were admirable indeed, and many had attained great clarity of wisdom. But they were preoccupied with their capacity for harsh discipline and proud of their insight. They squabbled with one another for positions of prestige and power and vied amongst themselves for recognition. Jealousy, rivalry and ambition seemed to hang like a dark cloud over Han-shin monastery, sucking even the most wise and sincere into its obscuring haze. Holding Chin-mang's note before me, I hoped and prayed that this Wu-ming, this "accidental Bodhisattva" might be the yeast my recipe seemed so much in need of.
To my astonished pleasure, Wu-ming took to life at Han-shin like a duck to water. At my request, he was assigned a job in the kitchen pickling vegetables. This he pursued tirelessly, and with a cheerful earnestness he gathered and mixed ingredients, lifted heavy barrels, drew and carried water, and, of course, freely sampled his workmanship. He was delighted!
When the monks assembled in the meditation hall, they would invariably find Wu-ming seated in utter stillness, apparently in deep and profound samadhi. No one even guessed that the only thing profound about Wu-ming's meditation was the profound unlikelihood that he might find the meditation posture, legs folded into the lotus position, back erect and centered, to be so wonderfully conducive to the long hours of sleep he so enjoyed.
Day after day and month after month, as the monks struggled to meet the physical and spiritual demands of monastery life, Wu-ming, with a grin and a whistle, sailed through it all effortlessly. Even though, if the truth be told, Wu-ming's Zen practice was without the slightest merit, by way of outward appearance he was judged by all to be a monk of great accomplishment and perfect discipline. Of course . I could have dispelled this misconception easily enough, but I sensed that Wu-ming's unique brand of magic was taking effect and I was not about to throw away this most absurdly skillful of means.
By turns the monks were jealous, perplexed, hostile, humbled and inspired by what they presumed to be Wu-ming's great attainment. Of course it never occurred to Wu-ming that his or anyone else's behavior required such judgments, for they are the workings of a far more sophisticated nature than his own mind was capable. Indeed, everything about him was so obvious and simple that others thought him unfathomably subtle.
Wu-ming's inscrutable presence had a tremendously unsettling effect on the lives of the monks, and undercut the web of rationalizations that so often accompanies such upset. His utter obviousness rendered him unintelligible and immune to the social pretensions of others. Attempts of flattery and invectives alike were met with the same uncomprehending grin, a grin the monks felt to be the very cutting edge of the sword of Perfect Wisdom. Finding no relief or diversion in such interchange, they were forced to seek out the source and resolution of their anguish each within his own mind. More importantly, and absurdly, Wu-ming caused to arise in the monks the unconquerable determination to fully penetrate the teaching "The Great Way is without difficulty" which they felt he embodied.
Though in the course of my lifetime I have encountered many of the most venerable progenitors of the Tathagata's teaching, never have I met one so skilled at awakening others to their intrinsic Buddhahood as this wonderful fool Wu-ming. His spiritual non-sequiturs were as sparks, lighting the flame of illuminating wisdom in the minds of many who engaged him in dialogue.
Once a monk approached Wu-ming and asked in all earnestness, "In the whole universe, what is it that is most wonderful?" Without hesitation Wu-ming stuck a cucumber before the monks face and exclaimed, "There is nothing more wonderful than this!" At that the monk crashed through the dualism of subject and object, "The whole universe is pickled cucumber; a pickled cucumber is the whole universe!" Wu-ming simply chuckled and said, "Stop talking nonsense. A cucumber is a cucumber; the whole universe is the whole universe. What could be more obvious?" The monk, penetrating the perfect phenomenal manifestation of Absolute Truth, clapped his hands and laughed, saying, "Throughout infinite space, everything is deliciously sour!"
On another occasion a monk asked Wu-ming, "The Third Patriarch said, "The Great Way is without difficulty, just cease having preferences." How can you then delight in eating cucumbers, yet refuse to even take one bit of a carrot?" Wu-ming said, "I love cucumbers; I hate carrots!" The monk lurched back as though struck by a thunderbolt. Then laughing and sobbing and dancing about he exclaimed, "Liking cucumbers and hating carrots is without difficulty, just cease preferring the Great Way!"
Within three years of his arrival, the stories of the "Great Bodhisattva of Han-hsin monastery" had made their way throughout the provinces of China. Knowing of Wu-ming's fame I was not entirely surprised when a messenger from the Emperor appeared summoning Wu-ming to the Imperial Palace immediately.
From throughout the Empire exponents of the Three Teachings of Buddhism, Confucianism and Taoism were being called to the Capitol, there the Emperor would proclaim one to be the true religion to be practiced and preached in all lands under his rule. The idea of such competition for Imperial favor is not to my approval and the likelihood that a religious persecution might follow troubled me greatly. But an order from the Emperor is not to be ignored, so Wu-ming and I set out the next day.
Inside the Great Hall were gathered the more than one hundred priests and scholars who were to debate one another. They were surrounded by the most powerful lords in all China, along with innumerable advisors, of the Son of Heaven. All at once trumpets blared, cymbals crashed, and clouds of incense billowed up everywhere. The Emperor, borne on by a retinue of guards, was carried to the throne. After due formalities were observed the Emperor signaled for the debate to begin.
Several hours passed as one after another priests and scholars came forward presenting their doctrines and responding to questions. Through it all Wu-ming sat obliviously content as he stuffed himself with his favorite food. When his supply was finished, he happily crossed his legs, straightened his back and closed his eyes. But the noise and commotion were too great and, unable to sleep, he grew more restless and irritable by the minute. As I clasped him firmly by the back of the neck in an effort to restrain him, the Emperor gestured to Wu-ming to approach the Throne.
When Wu-ming had come before him, the Emperor said, "Throughout the land you are praised as a Bodhisattva whose mind is like the Great Void itself, yet you have not had a word to offer this assembly. Therefore I say to you now, teach me the True Way that all under heaven must follow." Wu-ming said nothing. After a few moments the Emperor, with a note of impatience, spoke again, "Perhaps you do not hear well so I shall repeat myself! Teach me the True Way that all under heaven must follow!" Still Wu-ming said nothing, and silence rippled through the crowd as all strained forward to witness this monk who dared behave so bold a fashion in the Emperor's presence.
Wu-ming heard nothing the Emperor said, nor did he notice the tension that vibrated through the hall. All that concerned him was his wish to find a nice quiet place where he could sleep undisturbed. The Emperor spoke again, his voice shaking with fury, his face flushed with anger: "You have been summoned to this council to speak on behalf of the Buddhist teaching. Your disrespect will not be tolerated much longer. I shall ask one more time, and should you fail to answer, I assure you the consequence shall be most grave. Teach me the True Way that all under heaven must follow!" Without a word Wu-ming turned and, as all looked on in dumbfounded silence, he made his way down the aisle and out the door. There was a hush of stunned disbelief before the crowd erupted into an uproar of confusion. Some were applauding Wu-ming's brilliant demonstration of religious insight, while others rushed about in an indignant rage, hurling threats and abuses at the doorway he had just passed through. Not knowing whether to praise Wu-ming or to have him beheaded, the Emperor turned to his advisors, but they were none the wiser. Finally, looking out at the frantic anarchy to which his grand debate had been reduced, the Emperor must surely have realized that no matter what Wu-ming's intentions might have been, there was now only one way to avoid the debate becoming a most serious embarrassment.
"The great sage of Han-hsin monastery has skillfully demonstrated that the great Tao cannot be confined by doctrines, but is best expounded through harmonious action. Let us profit by the wisdom he has so compassionately shared, and each endeavor to make our every step one that unites heaven and earth in accord with the profound and subtle Tao."
Having thus spoken the Son of Heaven concluded the Great Debate.
I immediately ran out to find Wu-ming, but he had disappeared in the crowded streets of the capitol.
Ten years have since passed, and I have seen nothing of him. However, on occasion a wandering monk will stop at Han-hsin with some bit of news. I am told that Wu-ming has been wandering about the countryside this past decade, trying unsuccessfully to find his way home. Because of his fame he is greeted and cared for in all quarters with generous kindness; however, those wishing to help him on his journey usually find that they have been helped on their own.
One young monk told of an encounter in which Wu-ming asked him, "Can you tell me where my home is?" Confused as to the spirit of the question. The monk replied, "Is the home you speak of to be found in the relative world of time and place, or do you mean the Original Home of all pervading Buddha nature?"
After pausing a moment to consider the question, Wu-ming looked up and, grinning as only he is capable, said, "Yes."
-----
An amusing post from Professor Richard P Hayes, Mcgill University culled from bitnet. [Ed - I have great respect for Bodhidharma as an Enlightened One. However, I feel that one really good way to respect a guru is to laugh at and with him/her.]
Subject: Why did Bodhidharma go to the Internet? In fact in the investigation of Bodhidharma we find that he may be an Iranian Prince.
It seems a little bit odd to use the expression "in fact" in front of any statement about Bodhidharma, unless the rest of the sentence is "Bodhidharma probably did not exist as an historical person." The consensus of scholarly opinion, I have heard from usually reliable sources, is that Bodhidharma is fictional character. That being the case, one can tell any story one likes about him. Indeed, the history of Chan is filled with wonderful stories that people have made up about Bodhidharma.
The story I like best is the one that makes him a South Indian. I like this version for no better reason than that I am partial to South Indians, maybe because two of my most beloved teachers were Tamil and Telugu. (Ever heard of a Tamil Theravadin Zen Buddhist? They're about as rare as Canadian Sautraantikas, but a hell of a lot more polite.) Moreover, nearly all the really great Buddhist thinkers, such as Naagaarjuna, Dignaaga, Dharmakiirti and Buddhaghosa, were Tamil or Telugu. For the sake of economy of admiration, I find it convenient to think that Bodhidharma must also have come from the same part of India; this saves me a lot of time and money on pilgrimages, because I only have to go to one place to pay respects to every Buddhist whose thinking has shaped my understanding of Buddhism. (I'm currently gathering a mountain of evidence that proves beyond a shadow of doubt that the Buddha himself was born, became enlightened, taught the dharma and died in Tamilnadu. Of course people will scoff at this evidence at first, since I am making most of it up, but I suspect that within fifty years people will start believing in it. Nobody gets a PhD in Buddhist studies from McGill unless they sign a statement affirming their belief that the Buddha came from Madras instead of Magadha.)
The story of 9 years facing a wall is a interesting one, but almost contraidcts the Teachings that are associated with Bodhidharma who thought Still Sitting or wall gazing as a total waist of time.
Never realized time had a waist before. But it does make a lot of sense, when you recall that it comes from hourglasses.
As for the wall-gazing, some historians have suggested that what little evidence there is about Bodhidharma suggests that he really might have been a Brahmin from Tamilnadu who converted to Buddhism and travelled to southern China (or perhaps what is now Viet Nam) by boat. There he is thought to have taught the four foundations of mindfulness. He gained a reputation for giving short, snappy and slightly incoherent answers to questions, probably because he did not speak Chinese very well and could not easily express himself fully. His command of Chinese was not helped at all by the fact that he lived as a hermit in a cave for nine years, so he continued giving abrupt and seemingly incoherent answers for most of his life. The Chinese, wanting to help this inarticulate foreign monk save face, politely spread the rumour that Bodhidharma was very wise. The rest, as they say, is history.
Richard P Hayes
------
While I was at UCLA, D.T.Suzuki (the famous Zen scholar, writer, master, etc) came to visit. They set up the Regents auditorium for him. So we were all there, the audience all excited, and out came the head of the Oriental department. The audience all quited down. The Head introduced "Here is D.T.Suzuki, world class Zen scholar, writer, master, etc..here he is!"
We all sat in silence. This little guy comes out to the mike. Adjusts a pair of Glasses. This is him, we've seen pictures of him before, but he looks smaller and etc. He reaches out and taps the mike.
A hollow ping sounds though the hall. He says "Zen Buddhism, Very hard understand, Thank you" and walks off stage.
The audience went crazy! There was a mad struggle backstage, and then The Head lead Suzuki back out, a couple of the department professors with him. They set up some chairs, sat Suzuki down and asked him questions for an hour so everyone would be satisfied.
But I can still hear his voice "Zen Buddhism, Very hard understand............ "
(Written and contributed by Jonathan Greenlee)
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