nature is fractal, so it follows the basic building block of intelligence is intelligence

this doesn't make sense, but the inverse explains some things

the difference in the corpus callosum structure across the sexes makes for some interesting hypothesis

first, the shorter, broader, fibre-optic speed one makes signals travel faster across the halves. so for the one group, signals are processsed and consumed, for the other , they are consumed then processed. let me explain -

when a signal jumps faster, it reaches the sense of self part of the brain at the same time as it does the mechanical physical part of it. so the social significance of the event is computed at the same time as the physical chronological import. hence, every event either adds or detracts from social status or not. and since this functions this way from ... i don't know when - probably teenage ? the amount of scientific content proportionally is less , compounding all the way to adulthood where it plays close to zero significance

hence each woman is the president of the world women's association. their weapons are long sharp needles which can be thrust in the back during a social hug, or poisons, or needles delivering poison, so that social persona is unchanged. this is also why you can lie to them and get a way, mostly, as long as social status is restored/boosted. memory of past events, chronology, is a lower priority, along with facts

when a signal jumps slower across the gap, it doesn't  reach the sense of self part of the brain first, it spends time at the physical chronological part of the brain first, calculations are completed, events are assimilated, models updated by the time it jumps across and reaches the I part. accumulating from ..? teenage-hood, this builds up a large store of fact before which the I has to submit.  

think of two organisations, in the first, external events are fed to the CEO first, in the other, they are fed to the CTO first. the other CXO gets to know of it only after a day 

 I carry with me a will so soft

As though wrought of dew and shade

And the passing fragrance of a hedge bloom

Tender intent, like a tendril green

Dies a million amidst hurry 

 men have become tools of their tools

- Thoreau

this helps me bridge Thoreau and McLuhan

tools change social patterns, and shift the status quo, and then the status quo settles around a new set of social patterns, except now, the liberating joy of using the tool is replaced by tedium drudgery and soullessness

the explorer who broke out and went into the wilderness and lived in a tent, now finds his tent overtaken by the edge of civilisation, and is no longer wilderness, and has to pay for living there and pay for food and water and electricity even if he doesn't wants to, so he now goes into debt and has to work long hours on high doses of caffeine

there is no escape. however, good news is, the birth rates are plumetting

Anyone feel that Brad Warner's Zen is closer in spirit to Thoreau than any other Zennist out there ? that the entire latching on to Dogen and using that to kill all talk that arises,  is coincidentally both Zen and Thoreau-ic ?

 *  *  *

Mysterious source

I rummage in my pockets 

Bus tickets, crumpled

 *  *  *

When I die, I wanna be buried in my own home, right under my study. If the apartment below complains, like they did when I tried to dig a well in 2020, then just prop my dead body up inside one of the shelves in the bedroom, that should do....

 truth of the matter is, even though the amount of programming i am doing is highest in my current job, it is still nowhere near what is needed  . it's a pale watered down version of what is needed. hence the anxiety

 driving in Bangalore with hard rock/heavy metal playing out of your car stereo/radio is self-defeating, the speed of the music only reminds you how fast your car ISN'T going. you arrive at your destination with a marked decrease in appetite for life.

(yes, I have a cd player in my car. I also have CDs. deal with it)

come to think of it, every aspect of Bangalore is like that. I used to say Benniganahalli is the armpit of Bangalore. Now I know that Whitefield is either a tumour or a large pimple of Bangalore. 

It takes one double the energy to catch one's own mistakes but at the same time it takes half the energy, or even less, to catch others'. Therefore, a good team-up would be two people, each clinically noting down the other person's 'say's and 'do's.  In his Effective Executive book, Drucker famously classified executives  into listeners and readers. So it's essential that the medium of communication between the two in the team should be adapted to the recipient.

What does it take to communicate with ones' own self  ? what if you don't listen to you ? what does that tell about you ?

 ever since the death, his room was left as it was, somethings lying in the exact same place they were when he was alive. Documents had to be furrowed through, ids rummaged through, drawers examined for loot..

we still thought of it as his room, mother and i, with things stacked exactly as he left them, we felt his presence

when my layoff loomed over my head, my spell was broken and I started searching for my old identities. job7me had neglected parents so much while being ground between job7 and family. scenes would bubble up and i would cry. i imagined i wanted to be back in my childhood home,  him returning at 530 or 6, both coming inside,  getting angry and grumbling and lashing until he went to freshen up, mother getting coffee for us both..

now my own son is a delightful little racoon, obstinate at will, and picky about spiderman, and i couldn't love him any more, that i often think of _him_ in my position and me in my son's, and cry some more. maybe i was an ingrate  

 once i left home for college, i got an social ego boost i'd never had in my home town -

 ( and i now  understand that depressed and rotting is the default state of everybody in small towns, no matter how finely they dress themselves, and arraign the right brands, and  watch the right movies (read the right books, listen to right cassettes in my time) and speak in the right accent, you will always be a small towner.

- and once there and to job and beyond, i could'nt connect with my parents , what with my need for needing to communicate my state in great depth of essence ( i had no idea about depth nor essence at that time, and must've come across as peevish and spoiled... ) , i was a different person, and they would never know - my dad, who had done more and gone farther than me .. i was riding on a cloud of friends and colleagues and posturing and affecting that now i believe to be atleast stupid and fake if not outright manipulative and i wish my to spare my kids from via knowledge ...

now my friends are gone and i can't sit in smoky bars any more i don't drink and cant handle the smoke and can't handle my 'friends' and don't have any actually, have been living under a rock since the first child was born and under a boulder after covid and the second one was born ( and have the muscle tone of a worm to prove it)

now i look back on photos on me, my wife, and children on holiday, scarcely a few years before, and wonder who these young people were and what their lives were like ...